Things I like not

Not realising I'm out of balance


Egg yolks


My feet


Apples


Mustard


Missing trains


Public bathrooms


Feeling so hungry you're nauseous


Low marks (yes, I geek)


Fungus


Dentists


People using 'fag' as an insult


Me using 'fag' as an insult


Flu


Buses


John Le Carre


Feeling tongue tied


Funerals


Names like Paul or Jackson


me

No, I will not be coming out to play.

Gah

I'm tired. Not whiny, I don't want to clean my room tired but a kind of tiredness that's filling the hollow spaces in my bones with lead. Times like these, I rewind over every insignificant detail or decision that's gotten me here. Like deconstructing a game of chess. Only, in reality, I can't separate the black from white and put everything in their own, neat squares. So I make rose tea, listen to The National and eat apricots.

Odd = me

I was strolling along today, when I suddenly realised I don't quite know what to do with my arms. I tried swinging them all briskly like the women in those exercise videos broadcast on TLC at the oddest hours, but it felt super- weird, like telling people that you love your grandmother when you really couldn't give less of a shit weird. Stopping, I tried to let them sway naturally to the dulcet sound of  'Start a War', causing the not-so-high-powered business type behind me to snarl, "junkie" and stalk (rather unsteadily) ahead of me in her Bandra Blahniks. Bitch. Folding my arms across my chest was the next P.O.A, but it was too, "I am emo, watch me bleed." Also, I found myself unable to walk in a straight line which made me  sad in all kinds of non- shallow ways. Jamming my hands into my pockets (I love pockets. More than my grandmother even), made me look faux cool. I was cool with being faux cool, so I bought my oranges.

Today

something brilliant happened to an acquaintance,and I was happy for her.

Happiness is

buying cotton pants

a month passing without me getting tired of people

having a new, favourite band

freshly laundered sheets

last minute plans going beautifully

someone rubbing my shoulders

mint milk chocolate ice cream

the colour indigo

the walk from Colaba to VT

steak

sitting near a window in a train and listening to Sweet Disposition

not being asked for my i.d.

receiving mail


after eights


sloppy firsts


cabs.



Where the good people are

I miss having good people. People who call me for shits and giggles and not for hey-wassup-how's your headache-can you please give me information that will take the shitfest that is my project and elevate it to mediocrity- and if you don't you're a horrible human being who deserves to be badmouthed to the extent that you begin wondering whether it's worth attempting to be honest in the first place? OKTHANKS.